Rookie Strikes Nahant, by Tim Hudyncia

It’s likely few want to read some long, winding rookie’s tale when they could be spending their time on a high-flying, partially fabricated adventure with Greg “Full Tilt” Lesher, so I’ll try to keep it brief. I lined up, Kam-jammed, swam and swam again (and again), I paddled on with cheeks bulging wide while trying to chew mouthfuls of humble pie, finished camera-ready, popped out of my kayak head first onto rocks and ran up the beach full of pomp and sass like Rowan Atkinson in his Chariots of Fire skit. There is some worthy substance in between my speedy start and stunning finish if you dare to read on. (Cover Photo from Sakonnet River Race)

Finishing with a big smile! Photo G.Rocket

It started before the start, if that’s possible, with me combing the seashore for some seaworthy dory, rowboat or floating dock and, finding none, I readied to paddle my Stellar SES that Borys Markin has shown to be remarkably stable in all conditions. 1 minute to start. Proud as a peacock that I procured the best seat in the house. 30 seconds. Some unknown force (unknown to rookie) is pushing me to my right, outside of the starting area. Sensing likely disqualification, I start concocting my plea for leniency, as Beata Cseke had pulled up along my left and stiff-armed me, sending me flying off the line. Noone would doubt her ability to do so, and she was right next to me. Or did Jan Lupinski, the man with the anti-sprint (we’ll get to that), smack the Nelo into me. Hmm.

With Borys at Double Beaver

No matter at this point, we started. Sadly, most everyone seemed to be in more of a hurry than I was. Most everyone except this congenial fellow behind me and to my right that called out, “Smile, Tim”. I thought to myself, now this is a beautiful moment, someone eager to accompany the rookie. What a fun 9 mile adventure we’ll have together, capturing and savoring many blissful moments along the way… Oh, crap! It’s Borys. He’s trying to get into the rookie’s head and plant demons for 9 miles of torture… Oh, wait! He’s videotaping me. Okay, reach way out, set up like a champ, keep your hands up, look Gustafsson-like.

Rookie mistake #2: I moved over behind Borys, although when I actually arrived it’s not really accurate to say I was behind Borys. No matter, the gods were smiling on the rookie as Kam Truhn showed up on my wash. Excellent, a travelling companion! Then another, and another. Brilliant! By the time we rounded the first rocky point, we were a rather intimidating paceline of 4 – rookie, Kam, John Mathieu and Eric Costanzo (?). I was giddy amongst newfound friends (even though my heart rate seemed to be stuck in the 170’s), but then quite suddenly I found it impossible to stay in the paceline with my kayak above me. My panic halted almost immediately as I fondly recalled Mike McDonough’s pre-race message: Help the rookie stay alive and receive a robust Good Samaritan deduction of time. With this, I mounted my SES that isn’t quite as stable as the SES of Mr. Markin, and made to thank Kam, John and Eric for waiting. Turns out they either didn’t know I was swimming or they were too busy staring at Beata’s biceps to hear Mike’s generous offer.

Rookie mistake #5: I was so eager to lay a guilt trip on Kam that I forgot the deficiencies of my particular SES and abruptly took a second swim. Allez-up… the turn buoy siting… hey, why is Jan coming straight at me? Well, because rookie’s way off line, quick correction and around the buoy like a champ (in the 10^th round). Having a hard time getting my groove and leg drive back, I tested the buoyancy of my PFD one last time, but could not find any humor in the trifecta as the Nahant waters are way freaking cold compared to the bath waters around Rhode Island. I finally caught the attention of a bleeding heart liberal. Rob Flanagan camped out and was incredibly attentive as I called mom and asked her what I should do. When I got her voicemail I asked Rob if he would switch kayaks with me and found that his heart wasn’t bleeding quite that much. Not willing to risk irreversible shrinkage while waiting for Mary Beth Gangloff who would surely console me, I gathered my belongings, mounted my degenerating SES and paddled on feebly as my leg drive seemed to fall into the ocean with my ego.

It’s interesting to note here that while Rob played nice, Timmy Shields popped me in the forehead with his freshly sharpened blade as he floated by. Quite understandable, given my Rhode Island residence and his Ocean State spite after an overnight stay in the ACI with Bubba and Vinnie, this after a long night of, oh, I better not repeat it here. Email me for details.

The northward slog was rather uneventful and solemn, stayed dry and hyper-focused as Rob, Timmy and another (Sean Milano, perhaps?) were thinking “weirdo, that rookie is a bona fide weirdo, over there, by himself”.

Eventually I found some leg drive near to Canada, our northern-most point, and started to reel in a really fast kayak (and I say fast because it was orange and I needed an upper).

~~We interrupt the rookie for what was then Live Breaking News: According to numerous reports on the ground, it took Jan a full minute to find his way up the beach! One reported this as a peaceful protest of the flags not being red and white. Another reported a deluded look in his eyes and some mumbling about weeds, avoid the finish line of weeds, blah, blah, blah. Whatever the case, Wesley Echols glided in like a speedy Ethiopian and nearly nipped Jan at the line. Closest finish of the day! They’re still reviewing video taken from 6 different angles to determine who gets that extra races series point. I say give it to the rookie.~~

…I challenged Chris Sherwood to a sprint and sprint we did, all the way in. Sensing his diabolical presence on my back (as he’s friends with Timmy the tempest) I hurried to dismount without removing my accessory foot and hit the water face-first for a fourth time. In my modestly-controlled hysteria I noticed that Chris face-planted in the water, too. Another bleeding heart liberal letting me cross the line first. A gift for the rookie, no doubt. Sorry, Chris, for the diabolical comment.

Post Race

Rookie mistake #? (lost count): I had the perfect opportunity to take Timmy out at the knees so he would not cross the line, but I couldn’t follow through, for Rob and Chris had softened me up a bit too much.

——-

Note: I fabricated the evil acts attributed to Timmy. I have no evidence to support said fabrication. Quite the opposite; I like the young chap. Furthermore, any evil stated or implied does not exist. The ocean was full of niceties and Namaste.

2^nd Note: I did not fabricate the acts attributed to Rob. He was determined to help as needed, to be sure. Thank you, Rob.

Final Note: Rob was almost outdone by Tim Dwyer. Tim was yelling his bloody head off, cheering me on while I paddled toward the finish, making the rookie feel like a champ (until the face-plant)! Thanks,TD.